I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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