I am in a vortex of obligation.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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