she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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