In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
