I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
