woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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