my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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