Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
