I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
