why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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