I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
