you guys were way drunker than both of me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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