Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
