I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
