i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Randomize
