Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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