I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
