I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
