I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
