im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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