sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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