i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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