new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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