I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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