I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
