There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
