Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
