His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
