sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I need a burrito and a hug.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
