i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
