Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
