I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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