fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
