i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
