fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
