Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
