hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
