apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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