Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have tasted many bathrooms
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
