if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
