I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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