Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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