I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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