I can tuck mytits in my pants
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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