we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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