I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
