I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
