i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
