I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
