I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
