She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
